15 Must-Dos to Stay Safe Online

I’ve worked in Information Technology since 1995 - when email was new and exciting, 3.5" floppy disks were tiny, essential commodities, and iPhones were only a tiny spark in Steve Job's brain.  The last 20 years has seen a tremendous and inspiring explosion of innovation, connectivity, and advances.  I love technology.  Unfortunately, along with this brilliance comes increasingly darker pitfalls and dangers, and too many people are not paying attention.

I've held various IT positions in my career, but working in IT Security has given me a healthy dose of technological paranoia after seeing first hand  how easy it is to be compromised.  Frankly, you should be paranoid too.  Also as demonstrated by all of the large scale company hacks lately (Target, Sony, eBay, and so on, ad infinitum), we clearly cannot rely on companies to manage security on our behalf. We must take ownership and do our part to prevent our loss of identity, safety, and personal data.

I can't emphasize enough how easy it is get hacked.  A barely competent teenager can run a simple program from their basement allowing them (in 5 easy steps!) to create a malicious PDF that when opened allows them to turn on your webcam and watch you.  I’m not exaggerating - take for example what happened to this couple that were spied on as they watched TV.  Super creepy.  More sophisticated cyber criminals write malware that infects your computer, gathers your personal data, and sometimes networks itself to other infected computers, making it part of a botnet.  The criminals sell your data on the darknet and use the botnet to do all kinds of malicious things - like sending millions of spam emails with malicious links, or sending so much traffic to a website that it’s overloaded and shuts down (called a distributed denial of service attack, or DDOS).  To put the size in perspective, in February European law enforcement took down a botnet called Ramnit that had 3.2 million Windows computers in it.  That's just one of hundreds of botnets in the wild.

All that, and all you did was open an email, click a link, or open a PDF.  That's it. You're owned (or pwned as the nerds say).

That’s a bit of hyperbole as there are of course other ways to get compromised, but it’s a big one.  There is only so much technology can do to prevent compromises because good cyber criminals are as proficient at hacking humans as they are at hacking computers.  They do this by preying on our gullibility and taking advantage of our trust, greed or altruistic impulses.  Human error is still the biggest reason we get hacked.

So to address the areas we are at most risk (and in honor of Cyber Security Awareness month) here is my list of 15 essential things every user of technology must do to keep as safe as possible online.  There are certainly more, but if you are not at least doing these 15 things, you are at significantly higher risk.  I will go into a little bit of detail on each one, so while this will be a long post I feel it’s important to have it all in one place.  Alternatively you can just read the list below and call it good.

The odds are never in our favor, so let's improve them where we can.  Here they are:

Beauty Perceptions Around The World

How do perceptions of beauty vary across the globe?  That's what journalist Esther Honig wanted to know.  She sent an image of herself to over 40 Photoshop experts across the world and asked them to "make me beautiful".  The results are thought-provoking, and a good reminder that all societies of the world deal with questions of what is beautiful.  It's also interesting how subjective it is based on culture.  What does it say about each one?  What kind of beauty is valued?

I've collaged the before and a few of the afters.  To see more of the images from the other countries, visit the original Buzzfeed article (all photo images credit via Buzzfeed).

In the language of flowers, the Lady Slipper means Capricious Beauty.

Photo credit: Jlaessle via wikimedia commons

Podcast Proclivities - Recommendations for Fun, Well-Rounded Podcast Listening

There is so much media out there.  Not only is it impossible for one person to consume it all, it's overwhelming to even know where to start.  Personally, I like to stay aware of what's going on in the world, learn stimulating new things, and keep up on my particular interests.  Oh and do it all in the copious amounts of spare time between work, mothering, maintaining a household, cooking, writing, etc., etc.

When I found first public radio and then podcasts a few years ago, it felt like a significant eureka moment.  I had unearthed a magical personalized education program with no tests and a fast forward button.

Brilliant idea, podcasts.

It's not hyperbole to say they have made a big impact in my life.  They helped me realize there is much more time available for listening than just driving to and from work. Podcasts have filled much of the mental space that exists while I am doing simple tasks - getting ready in the morning, cooking, exercising, showering (ok not really, but those bluetooth shower speakers do look pretty nifty...).

A Letter to a Mother

I've already talked a little bit about how one of my worst fears is passing on my own image issues and mean inner voice to my sweet little girl.  So the initial words of this article plucked the strings of my heart immediately.  It's a letter from a daughter to her mother, about how her mother unwittingly did just that - pass it on.

Dear Mum, 

I was seven when I discovered that you were fat, ugly and horrible. Up until that point I had believed that you were beautiful – in every sense of the word. I remember flicking through old photo albums and staring at pictures of you standing on the deck of a boat. Your white strapless bathing suit looked so glamorous, just like a movie star. Whenever I had the chance I’d pull out that wondrous white bathing suit hidden in your bottom drawer and imagine a time when I’d be big enough to wear it; when I’d be like you. 

But all of that changed when, one night, we were dressed up for a party and you said to me, ‘‘Look at you, so thin, beautiful and lovely. And look at me, fat, ugly and horrible.’’
At first I didn’t understand what you meant. 

‘‘You’re not fat,’’ I said earnestly and innocently, and you replied, ‘‘Yes I am, darling. I’ve always been fat; even as a child.’’ 

In the days that followed I had some painful revelations that have shaped my whole life. 

I learned that:     1. You must be fat because mothers don’t lie.     2. Fat is ugly and horrible.     3. When I grow up I’ll look like you and therefore I will be fat, ugly and horrible too.

I recommend reading her entire letter as I loved all of her thoughts.

What I took away most is this:  We must be strong.  We mothers must talk about ourselves in such a way that our daughters never learn they are anything but lovely, and our sons learn what true loveliness is.

As for us, let's just allow ourselves to be the beautiful, lovely, wonderful mommies our sweet children see.

In the language of flowers, Baby's Breath means Innocence.   

Like our sweet children.

Pools of Sun and Moonlight (Keeping Balanced)

My soul is fed by two pools - one of sunlight and one of moonlight.

The pool of sunshine is filled with laughter, liveliness, movement, and people. The movement and activity allow me to radiate health, vivacity - feeling the energy of life coursing through me as I flow in yoga asanas, go for a walk, or hike to a waterfall.  Though it is especially the people, the time spent with those I love and care about (really no matter what we’re doing), that make this life and my soul glow bright with happiness.  That glow is brightest when the time spent is particularly connective and bonding, and those shorter but deliciously warm flares help make the pool whirl and ripple, and when full it pours into my soul in a torrent of of brilliant color and light.

The pool of moonlight is quieter, filled with solitude, reflection, introspection, creativity, and all things breathtaking and stirring to the soul. It is still, serene, and deeply nourishing. It is most often begins filling with time alone, but it doesn’t begin to truly flow until that time alone is enriching in some way.  For instance, for me, sitting still and staring at the ocean fills this pool to overflowing.  Allowing my thoughts to ebb and flow with the water, to roam where they will - ruminating, creating, all while my senses feast on the ever-changing waves as they swell, crest, and crash with a roar into the shore. Unfortunately I live in a landlocked desert, so I am more often forced to find other ways to create that effect, writing or reading in unique, inspiring places, and of course spending time in nature’s beauty - gardens, mountain views, running rivers.  It is easier when I’m out of the house looking at and feeling inspired by new things, but with a little effort I can create those calm, still and introspective moments at home too.  Once full, this luminescent pool pours its gleaming white liquid into my soul in a calm, constant, delicious flow.

Photoshop Fictions: Body Manipulations

Photo credit: Screen captures from video

The video below shows in real time how easy it is for Photoshop artists to manipulate faces and bodies into something that is --literally-- unattainable and unnatural.  I figured Photoshop is easy for the educated, but I was still a little surprised how easy.

As I watched, all I kept thinking was why does some random guy (or girl) get to define beauty as over-sized eyes, a long neck, crazy long legs, and unnaturally shiny white skin?  It's nonsensical.

NOTE: To skip the first little bit of slightly NSFW viewing as the model is topless getting onto the stage in the distance, click to 0:15 seconds. 

I wholeheartedly support the ending statement about requiring mandatory disclaimer on body modifications in advertising.  But I looked up the Global Democracy link at the end but it was very confusing and didn't really go anywhere except a voting page.  But the commentary both there and on the YouTube video page is interesting - some people get it, and some don't.  I actually had to stop reading because it was frustrating to read things like "I object [to the vote] because airbrushed models are hotter than non-airbrushed models".  Sigh.

They are entitled to their opinion...but to me that fictional woman will never be beautiful.

In the language of flowers, Dogbane means Deceit.

Photo credit: Emily S. Kloosterman via Wikimedia Commons

What Other People Think

I know I give too much power to other people's thoughts (real and imagined)...and more often than I'd like.  As always, logic can and often does step in and tells me I shouldn't care, that it doesn't matter whether someone sees me in a swimsuit, or that someone made me feel like a total idiot (or rather, that I let them make me feel that way).  Unfortunately as alluded to before, my logical voice is quite often a total pipsqueak.

I'm always trying to amp up its volume though.  Being true to myself and not caring what others think is something I have actively worked on over the last decade.  I'm not perfect at it and it's still so annoying when it kicks in and I agonize over some perceived faux pas far longer than I need to, or worry if my life choices or mannerisms will offend someone close to me, or worse...make someone not like me.  

Well while everyone likes to be liked, at the end of the day it is most important to be true to yourself.

Most of us will probably always care a little bit, I think that's part of being human - we are social creatures.  But we should never let anyone hinder our self worth, creativity, uniqueness, freedom, light, or joy.  People are entitled to their own opinion of us, but just remember it is none of our business.  

Telling ourselves not to care is good, but it it is probably more helpful to work on building ourselves up, liking ourselves, and feeling confident in our value.  Frankly, it is much easier to stop caring about what someone else thinks of us...when we already know we're awesome.

In the language of flowers, Hepatica Nobilis means Confidence.
Photo credit: Wisley with SRGC

Colbie Caillat - Try

I deeply appreciate when people in the various pop culture industries (music, movies, fashion, etc.) stand up for authenticity and beauty in women.  Especially because it is those industries that create and then put the most pressure on us to meet such unrealistic expectations.

I came across one such woman last year that I really loved - Colbie Caillat.  I'm not really well versed about who's who in the music industry (much to the chagrin of my husband), so this was my first introduction to Colbie Caillat (Grammy winner, singer song-writer).  I found her because of a flashy article headline in Elle magazine - "COLBIE CAILLAT IS TIRED OF BEING PHOTOSHOPPED: HERE'S WHAT SHE DID ABOUT IT".  So of course I clicked through given my photoshop fiction addiction...but found that her goal with the song and video was about so much more than the title indicated.

photo via elle.com

It's a thought provoking article/interview and I was so inspired.  It was also a good reminder that the women of these industries have as much pressure to conform to these crazy skewed ideals as we do - and I loved both her and "Babyface" Edmonds for saying....in essence....screw that.  (We need more men that support that message!)  And as a result the song and video Try was born.

The song and video together are what made the biggest impact to me though.  The message is so important - for women to be authentic and love themselves just as they are.  Her voice and the music are soulful and the women are absolutely lovely, and fearless. 

So refreshing.  A perfect example of how real...is beautiful. 

In the language of flowers, Orange Blossoms mean a Woman's Worth.
Photo credit: Ellen Levy Finch via Wikimedia Commons

Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy

 

I can say from personal experience that Mr. Roosevelt captured it perfectly - comparison is a little joy snatcher, and frankly one of the best tools our mean, critical voices use against us.

It's actually pretty crazy how we can in one moment magically feel worse about ourselves simply by noticing someone "better than" us in some way - they have a tiny waist, chicklet white teeth, a better career, better house, whatever.  Personally, I am painfully more aware of (and sometimes embarrassed by) my body when in the room with other women that are slimmer.  If I'm at work I'll slip my laptop off the conference room table onto my lap so it hides me better.  It's worse if there are also men present (which there always are because I'm in IT) - because if I'm comparing, aren't they?

Honestly.  I get so exasperated with myself sometimes.  There is nothing about me that changes in those moments except that I give that critical voice power - the voice that says that's what you should look like.   Or if I feel I should have known the answer to a question at work and someone else did, why are you so stupid?  They all ultimately lead to the same thought - what's wrong with me?  When what's wrong with me is that I even ask that question.

It's worth noting the other side of that coin - thinking that we're better than someone by comparison steals as much joy as the opposite.  That kind of ungenerous thinking steals a little bit of our soul's light, and I hate to admit it but I've been guilty of that too.  It's so easy when you feel less than in some way to look for other ways to feel better.  But there are better ways than saying, well at least I'm cuter than her. 

Besides, how boring would the world be if we were all the same?   Let's enjoy and appreciate the diversity, strengths, and beauty of others and leave it at that - with no additional internal commentary about how we don't measure up.  Or how we do.

In the language of flowers, Cranesbill Geranium means Envy.
Photo credit: aussiegall via Wikimedia Commons

Photoshop Fictions: Meaghan Kausman

First off, I'll say that I think Photoshop is powerful, amazing and it definitely has its place in the art and photography fields.   Unfortunately it is also too often used in the worst way possible - to destroy the authenticity, diversity, and individuality of already lovely people.  Shaving a couple of inches off a waist here, adding a fuller bust there, making everyone essentially all the same in order to meet some ridiculous and clearly unattainable ideal of beauty.

In my aspiration to counter the torrent of unrealistic images we face in our cockeyed culture, I present my Photoshop Fictions series - where we see and discuss Photoshop before and after photos.  I find it so helpful in the constant battle with my inner critical voice to see what is real and authentic, and how we are tricked into believing lies about what is beautiful.

To start the Photoshop Fictions series, I celebrate and admire Australian model Meaghan Kausman, who was shocked to see the results of her swimwear photo shoot with them and the transformation the company had given her body.  So she posted the before and after (above) on her Instagram page and wrote the following:

"They had drastically altered my body, thinning out my stomach and thighs in an attempt to box me in to the cultural ideal of beauty.
Above is their version, below is the real version.
My body is a size 8, not a size 4. That’s my body! I refuse to stand by and allow ANY company or person to perpetuate the belief that “thinner is better”. All women are beautiful, and we come in different shapes and sizes! This industry is crazy!!!! It is NOT OKAY to alter a woman’s body to make it look thinner. EVER!"

Amen sister.  Look how beautiful that image is with her just as she is.

Liz Dwyer on takepart.com wrote a lovely article on this as well - discussing Kausman's father's thoughts and views as a doctor and "one of Australia’s most outspoken advocates against dieting and body-shaming culture".

I suspect having a father with such ideals was part of where Kausman got her ability to be confident in who she is and stand up for herself.  Parents have such incredible power, fathers especially.

In the language of flowers, the Chestnut flower means Do Me Justice.

Photo credit: Apple2000, WikiMedia Commons